Shower Thoughts - Patriotic Consumer Edition

Familiar hot lines of water hit my back as I enter the shower. Life has been very different these days. It should have felt good to do something normal. I spot a foaming body scrub my wife bought recently. I open it. Smelt great.

Do I need exfoliation? Does anyone need to proactively exfoliate? Doesn’t dead skin just fall off? Why do I need a soap, a shampoo, and a conditioner? Why does economic recovery after the virus mean I go back to buying a beard soap, beard balm, and beard oil? If I stop buying all three and just lather my face with Cetaphil, like I do the rest of my body, what’ll happen to the beard maintenance industry? Next thing people will be using their beard trimming scissors for their nose hair! Local boutique shops in Brooklyn will close and the dreaded chain stores will take over.

Despite the hot water, these thoughts send a chill up my spine. I feel a deep sense of patriotism as a I grab the body scrub.